I don't know what les r'nards (foxes) have done to deserve it, but la maladie au r'nard (illness of the fox) is the expression for malingering or taking a sickie.
Without wishing to encouothagi (encourage) such extchuses (excuses), claiming to be malade coumme un tchian (sick as a dog) might sound more convincing in Jèrriais. L's ahans might impress the boss more than aches and pains. Râqu'ter des flieunmes sounds more dramatic than coughing up phlegm, and you might get more sympathy for les morrhouites than for piles!
Séthieusement (seriously), you should doctrinner (apply first aid) for les copes (cuts), l's êgrînflias (scratches), les brûleuses (burns), and l's êcorcheuses (grazes).
You might keep d'amain (handy) d'la méd'cinne (medicine), des boulets (pills), du sitho (syrup), d's empliâtres (plasters) et des bandages (and bandages). All these can be acaté (bought) dé siez l'apotitchi (from the chemist's).
For les maux pus séthieurs (more serious ailments) you might have to go siez l'docteu (to the doctor's), or even à l'hôpita (to hospital) to be souongni (cared for) by les nosses (the nurses).
But perhaps you've got eune suée d'fraid (a heavy cold) with lé nez morvéleux (a runny nose), ma la tête (a headache), ma la gorge (a sore throat), and la créheule (a bad cough). If so you're pouôrrement (poorly) and you might look blianc l'tou des dginnes (white around the gills).
But at least you can be èrmèrciant (grateful) that at least you haven't got a touch of les dgèrnésiaises (the “guernseys”, i.e. the runs)!
Èrdgéthiss'-ous bétôt (get well soon)!
Viyiz étout: